and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
