I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
