I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
