Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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