Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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