Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize