It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
