would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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