i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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