I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
