You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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