clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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