He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
