We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
