If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
