Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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