I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
