3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
