When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
