Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
