I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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