when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize
