Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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