I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
