NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
