your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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