happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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