She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
