i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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