Pappa wants mamma naked
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
