What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
