I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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