he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
