everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
