I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize