It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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