yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize