Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
