Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My feet surprised me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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