i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
