Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize