I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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