today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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