i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
