If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
