Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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