my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
