I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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