your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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