Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
