Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
