AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
