You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
