whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
