u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize