wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
