At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
