And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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