also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
