I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
