TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
