I wish my penis had an off switch
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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