Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
