you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
