She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
