I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
