Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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