I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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