I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hippo gnu deer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
