honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
