wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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